


Things Can't Be the Same

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Related, Fix-It, M/M, implied weecest, season 1 episode 16 fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 13:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6008065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Wincest Love Week. <br/>Episode 16 Season 1: Shadow fix-it with a Wincest twist</p><p>Sam doesn't want things to go back to how they were before, but why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Can't Be the Same

Stanford was Sam's only option. After their father caught he and Dean making out after he came home early from a case, he'd made life unlivable for Sam.

Sam understood, what they felt for each other was wrong in everyone's eyes, and their father wanted them safe and normal.. As normal as their lives could be. But seeing Dean move on so easily... Picking up girls and spending nights drinking, it hurt too much. Sam had promised himself to Dean, though they wanted to wait until Sam turned 18.

 

It was his 18th birthday now, and Sam was sitting alone in his empty dorm room. He was clenching a handful of coins, eyeing the phone booth outside his dormitory. He could call... But it would hurt. He knew it would.

A knock on Sam's door pulled him out of his thoughts, and he padded over, opening it without much thought.

Dean's face broke into a crooked grin when he saw Sam, messy hair and barefooted, wearing that stupid dog shirt and a pair of threadbare pajama pants. "Heya, Sammy."

Sam's eyes bulged when he saw Dean. "D--De? What're you doing here? Where's dad?"

"Wraith in Los Angeles... Figured I'd come wish my baby brother happy birthday." He stepped in and Sam wrapped him in a bear hug, tucking his nose into Dean's smooth neck. "I've missed you." He whispered. Dean stayed quiet, hugging back for a second before untangling himself from Sam. "You've grown since you left."

"Not much." Dean shrugged, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "Um, so..."

Sam laughed a little and grabbed Dean's chin, leaning in for a kiss. Much to his surprise, Dean pulled back. "We can't, Sam. I-- we can't do that to dad."

"Dad doesn't have to know." Sam whispered, curling one wide hand around Dean's hip to pull him close.

Dean gave in for a second, but came to his senses. He set both hands on Sam's chest. "Stop. We're brothers, Sam."

"That never mattered before."

"We were dumb kids. We didn't know any better. But we do now." Sam's face dropped. "Come on, De... It could be like before... I'm eighteen now, and no one knows you're my brother here."

"We can't go back to that, too much has changed." Dean said, stepping away from Sam and toward the door. "We-- we could." Dean was quiet for a long time, staring at his little brother. "I don't want us to. I'm not... I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry, Sam." He turned and opened the door. He paused a second and pulled an envelope from his pocket, setting it on Sam's bed. "Happy 18th." He muttered before walking out.

 

\--4 Years Later--

 

Dean tossed and turned in the crappy motel bed, Sam's words echoing in his head. It was exactly what he'd said to Sam the last time they saw each other at Stanford... By far the biggest mistake he'd ever made. And now that he was trying to fix it... He knew that he'd hurt Sam more than he imagined in that dorm room so many years ago, and that knowledge settled like a rock in his stomach. He was going to fix this.

\------------

Sam dug the motel room keys out of his pocket, shifting the bags of fast food to one arm as he pushed open the door. The first thing that hit him was the strong smell of cedar wood. It had always been his favorite scent, but few people knew.

The second thing he noticed was the room was completely dark, save for three candles. When his eyes adjusted, he saw two envelopes on his bed. Instinct kicked in, and he set the bags on the table, snagging his pistol and raising it. "Dean?" He called, but received only silence as an answer. He approached the bed, checking underneath it before shifting the gun to one hand to pick up the envelopes.

The first, worn with years and many touches, made his stomach squeeze. It was the envelope Dean had left him that night at Stanford. Sam had its contents memorized, but he still sat on the bed and opened it, tipping the contents into his palm.

A beer cap, Bud Light. It was the cap from the first beer he'd ever had, the night he and Dean had shared their first kiss.

A bracelet made of soda tabs, a present from a six year old Sam that Dean wore for years.

Two photographs, one of the brothers at 12 and 16, laughing and holding up cookies they'd made at Bobby's. And the other, one from Dean, two days before their father caught them, shirts off and cuddled under a sheet. Sam had kissed Dean's cheek for the photo, and Dean had never looked happier.

And lastly, a gum wrapper, Dean's scribble on the white side,

 

'You're the only one in my life, Sammy. I promise I'll be your first, and you'll be my last. 5-2-01. I promise.'

 

It was Dean's promise to Sam to make love to him on his 18th birthday, and his promise to be Sam's forever... The first promise Dean ever broke.

 

Tears were shining in Sam's eyes when he dumped the contents back into the envelope. He set it on the bed, and picked up the second envelope, new, and much less bulky. He opened it and withdrew a sheet of paper from the motel they were at, and the amulet Sam had given Dean for Christmas so long ago. A knot formed in his stomach, thoughts of _he left you again_ and _you screwed up again_ filling his mind.

He opened the paper and swallowed the lump in his throat when he saw it filled with Dean's handwriting.

 

'Sammy, seems like forever ago we made that little envelope of stuff huh? I don't know how to write this, I'm crap with my emotions. But uh, I screwed up, Sam. When I went to Stanford that night, I screwed up. I thought I was doing the right thing, giving you permission to move on, live a normal life, and it worked! You got out! But I dragged you back in. And, when I dragged you back I-- I realized I hadn't let you go. All the chicks and booze and partying, it never filled the empty feeling after I walked away from you. I know you're over me. I get it, good for you. I just... Needed to make things right. I wanted to make love you that night, Sam. I wanted to screw the world and hold your hand and all that girly crap you like. It's my biggest regret. It's the only lie I've ever told you. I stuck my necklace in this envelope cause you gotta know... This is the first time it's come off my neck since you handed it to me. This is me letting you go, if you really don't want things to go back to how they were before. You'll always be my little brother, and I will always fight to protect you, but I will let you go.'

 

Dean stood in the doorway of the bathroom, watching Sam read in the candlelight. When he sat back, finished, and looked up, he jumped at Dean's presence. "Heya, Sammy." Dean whispered.

Sam sat still for a long moment, staring at Dean across the room. Finally, he rose, the amulet clutched in his hand. He closed the space between them quickly and grabbed Dean's face, kissing him hard.

It took Dean a moment to respond, but he wrapped his arms around Sam, his heart pounding in his throat. Sam slid his hands down and cupped Dean's ass, lifting him and carrying him to the empty bed.

Dean gave a quiet oomph when Sam dropped him on the bed, laying over him. He slipped the necklace back over Dean's head, running his fingers over the brass affectionately. "Don't let me go." He whispered. "Don't get over me. I don't want things to be how they were before, I want something new." He twined his fingers with Dean's, lifting them above Dean's head. "But I want it with you."

Dean looked up at his baby brother, breathing shallowly. Leaning up, he let his lips glide over Sam's neck, using his free hand to undo the younger's belt. "I'll never let you go." And he knew, at that second, he never would.


End file.
